


We've Updated Our Privacy Policy

by InFormalMajesty



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Angst, GDPR AU, GDPR Hell, Inspired by Work Wank, Kylo Ren is Extra, Pure Crack, Rey Is Not Having It, This is crack
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-27
Updated: 2018-05-27
Packaged: 2019-05-14 07:19:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,392
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14765102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InFormalMajesty/pseuds/InFormalMajesty
Summary: The GDPR AU exactly 3 (maybe 4) people asked for.





	We've Updated Our Privacy Policy

The steel barriers are stalactites in the depths of the earth’s underbelly, caging Kylo Ren closer into the darkness of the desolate hollow he now must call home. There is a feeling in the pit of Kylo’s stomach that has not yet twisted into the agonizing pain of regret. But as each second passes--each tormenting tick of the clock long and drawn out like Catholic Church on sunny days or funeral services when there is little knowledge of exactly who is dead--the pain in the man’s gut flares like the fires of hell. The fire crawls its way up to the center of Kylo’s chest, every pang of emotion a demon desperately dragging itself to a surface it is unsure it will find.

Kylo closes his eyes to block the site in front of him. He takes a deep breath, trying to erase the horrors of those silver steel barriers and the wooden box between them that will become his prison, his cage, his doom, his--

“You know we can’t fire you for disassociating, Ren. Discriminating against mental health issues is, unfortunately, against the law.”

Kylo’s eyes fly open and he turns away from the line of indistinguishable cubicles to look at the lanky red headed nitwit at the other end of the dull office building. Kylo grits his teeth, his whole body tightening in an effort to hold back the rage at seeing _him_ here.  

Armitage Hux, Marriott International’s General Counsel, strolls over to Kylo from across the hall until he is level with Kylo’s furious brown eyes. Well, almost level, at least. All of their years growing up together in Chicago and Hux had always been upset that he was never the tallest in their group of friends. To make up for his frivolous hang-up--something that Hux saw less as an inconsequential slight and more as a distressing inadequacy--Hux had adapted an aura of arrogance that made any space feel sad and uncomfortable like when men masturbate on late night subway cars.

Kylo recoils as Hux leans down close to his ear.

“Oh, how far you’ve fallen, _Solo_ ,” Hux sneers, his nose brushing the tip of Kylo’s helix.

Kylo braces himself to snap, to throw Hux as far as his strength will allow. For all of the stress and suffering that had been building up in Kylo for the last six months, perhaps he is not as strong as he used to be. But he knew he could still kick Hux’s pasty ass.

“ARMITAGE!” Leia Organa yells from the large glass conference room across the hall. From inside the room, a short man is shrieking incoherently, his tie ajar and his hair tousled in three different directions.

Hux turns on his heel and struts away from Kylo with a knowing smirk before Kylo’s furious brick-house body can slam the skinny Ginger into a cubicle. Kylo watches with clenched fists as Hux takes the open door from Leia, her face burdened with the same anxiety vocally exhibited by the short man whose incoherent screaming has transformed into obscenities and slurs. As the door begins to close, more shouting filters into the office outside of it.

“THIS WILL BE THE END OF US ALL--”

“BUT WE UPDATED OUR PRIVACY POLICY! WE’RE SAFE! WE’RE FI--”

“NOBODY IS SAFE, CAN’T YOU SEE THAT, DENNIS?!”

Kylo shakes his head at the commotion. That is something he wants absolutely nothing to do with.

“Hi-ya!” The cheery greeting that comes from behind Kylo makes him audibly grown, fury still lingering within every fiber of his body, searching for a release. He looks down at the small, pale cherub-faced man who beams at him with unsolicited joy.

“Welcome to Marriott International! I hope you’re having a great first day. Really excited to have a new person on our customer care team. I’m Mitaka. Well my first name is Dopheld. But people call me Mitaka. I’ll be helping you through your first few days. If you have any questions, never _ever_ pause to ask me. And here are these...” Mitaka’s jubilant greeting tapers off as he shoves two thick books and a headset in Kylo’s face, prompting him to take it.

Kylo glares at the books underneath the bulky headset and labyrinth of wires. It is branded by Marriott corporate and has likely not been updated since the 1970s. The book laying on top reads “Tips and Tricks to Customer Service Success.”

“Well, aren’t-cha going to take it?” Mitaka smiles, offering the stack of materials again to the man whose frame is now visibly trembling.

A woman in the cubicle across from Mitaka and Kylo screams as Kylo violently grabs the materials from Mitaka’s forceless grasp and hurls the books across the office floor. One slams into a man’s coffee, causing it to spill on his white collared shirt. The other flies right into the large and unneeded aquarium on the far wall, causing the glass to splinter.

Every eye in the office not otherwise occupied turns to watch the glass break. Water rushes from the tank and employees close to it scatter in an effort to avoid the stream of brightly colored pebbles, artificial coral, and fish of all different varieties that flood the white marble tile.

Orange clown fish, silver angelfish, bright red guppies, and blue tetras flounder on the floor. The large pufferfish is the last to slop its way out of the aquarium and on to the tile below, its body landing with a resounding “plop!”

“RODNEY!” One of the customer service representatives yells as he frantically yanks his headset from his head and darts over to scoop up the dying pufferfish. He flies around the corner, disappearing to where Kylo believes the kitchen to be. Other employees rush to pick up the fish, their slippery bodies skidding in between fingertips and womens’ heels slipping against the wet surface as they scramble over to help.

Kylo surveys the scene, breathing heavily through his nostrils, the headset breaking beneath his clenched fist. Mitaka looks down at the headset. His angelic face and gleeful smile have been twisted into shock and fear.

“Right. Well. I-it was great meeting you...um...sorry you didn’t tell me what name you use. Names are very important here. We have to tell them to all of the customers, you know, to feel personable and like they are being well--”

“ _Leave,”_ Kylo growls, his voice low and shaky from rage.

“Yeah, right, of course,” Mitaka stammers as he shuffles down the rows of cubicles to help pick up the few fish that still remain to be saved.

Through gritted teeth, Kylo lets the broken headset fall to the ground. He can feel eyes staring at him and it is no surprise when he looks up to meet a pair of familiar, stern brown eyes.

Leia Organa stands outside of the glass conference room, anger and disappointment contorting every one of her features. Through the glass, Kylo can see a very pleased Hux snickering like a small child. Leia jerks her head towards her office and Kylo, against his better judgement, feels his body moving slowly towards the office door.

 ****

Kylo’s knuckles rap across the desk in uneven beats. His gaze remains fixed on the golden nameplate laying on top of the mahogany desk.

_Leia Organa, President and Chief Executive Officer, Marriott International_

He stares at it to avoid letting his attention drift to the picture framed on one of the bookshelves behind the CEO’s desk. It is a picture of a black-haired boy with a wide, goofy smile embracing Leia in a hug. The petite woman’s genial face is all but swallowed by the boy’s large frame and bulky crimson colored graduation gown. The certificate officially giving the boy a Masters of Business Administration degree from Harvard University is visible in his oversized hands.

While Kylo is avoiding the picture as to not look at Leia’s happy face, he also doesn't want to look at the tall man with gray hair on the boy’s left standing rigid with a small smile; a man who had died shortly after the picture was taken in a car crash on the Capital Beltway.

Kylo hears the door finally click shut behind him. His knuckles cease their activity against the wood and he stops slumping over in the chair facing the CEO’s desk.

Leia walks to the front of her desk, arms crossed, her eyebrows knitted together in anger. Silence lingers in the room like that kind of thick fog that defines Stephen King films.

“Why do you have that?” Kylo finally asks, nodding towards the picture.

 “People have pictures of their kids, Ben.” Leia states matter-of-factly.

 “Don’t call me that,” Kylo snaps, his eyes meeting his mother’s glare. She looks so put together despite the screaming match that had gone on earlier in the conference room.

 “It’s the name I gave you. It’s the name I’m going to call you,” Leia insists as she sits down. “I pulled so many strings getting you this job,” Leia sighs, “you can’t respect me this _one time_? Ben! It’s been less than 4 hours and you’ve already managed to almost kill Rodney!”

Kylo shakes his head to brush aside the ridiculousness of discussing the life of a pufferfish with all of the tension that had been building between them for months. He leans forward in his chair, his fingernails digging into the wooden armrest.

“Respect _you_? I lost everything I worked for! Because of you and because of…” Kylo swallows his emotion. He doesn't want to fight with his mother. Not again. Uttering Luke Skywalker’s name now would surely cause a war nobody on this floor should be party to.

Leia chooses not to address her son’s remarks.

“You know the alternative if you can’t cooperate here. I may not be able to protect you.”

“I don’t want your protection.”

“You have no other choice right now, Ben.”

Kylo grimaces when the sound of the name he once had once again graces his mother's lips. It's a name that is too dangerous to use now if he ever wants back any semblance of the career he had held. Kylo’s throat tightens thinking of all he has lost in so little time. Only six months ago Kylo had been a rising business executive in Silicon Valley. He had built himself up without the Organa name, choosing instead to create his own identity. Nobody was able to say that Ben Solo didn’t work hard for what he had.

And now it is all gone. A chill runs down Kylo’s spine as he considers his reality yet again. He is back home, in the suburbs of Washington DC surrounded by yuppies and Congressmen looking to do anything but the jobs they were paid to do. He is back under the thumb of his mother, needing her desperately to survive.

The echo of Hux’s words begin to bounce around Kylo’s muddled head. _How far he has fallen, indeed._

“I need you to behave yourself,” Leia asserts after it is clear that Kylo isn’t going to say anything more about this subject.

Kylo can feel familiar defeat deep within his chest. He nods, resigned. Before Kylo has a chance to let the silence of Leia’s office pull him back into a stream of tormenting thoughts, a loud bang rips across the office floor by the conference room.

“I QUIT!” shouts the short man with the ajar tie and tousled hair as he hustles towards the elevators. Hux catches up with the man with little effort. He places a firm hand on the top of the man’s arm to halt his movement.

“There is _nothing_ you can say Armitage that will make me stay and if you have half the brains you _think_ you have you will leave _now_!”

Armitage groans, his eyes rolling to the back of his head. He releases the man’s arm and watches him storm out of his line of sight.

Leia has her head in her hand like she doesn’t want to risk a glimpse of the scene before her.

“Whatever that is, do not think about dragging me into it,” Kylo proclaims.  

Leia looks up slowly, her face tinged with unexpected happiness as if she has just heard a bad joke.

“Son, I assure you, the last thing I will pull you into right now is GDP fucking R.”

 _Oh of course_.

Kylo’s stomach turns and a familiar flicker of overwhelming emotion begins to light a fire once more in his gut. Kylo remembers the Wired headlines detailing the absurd and impossible privacy laws the EU is attempting to enforce that would theoretically make it much harder for companies to misuse consumer data. He remembers the lengthy opinion articles in The Washington Post detailing how flawed this law will be in practice, that there is no way for any company to realistically handle it. And then, of course, Kylo remembers the op-eds in The New York Times that blame the entire data debacle on _him_ and his past life _._

Kylo leaps up from the chair, shoving the memories from his brain. He disappears from his mother’s office before she has time to say anything and before he has time to let the fire in his belly and the tightness in his chest overtake him.

***

“No, Mrs. Kanata, you cannot bring...Snarfles...into the hotel.” Kylo’s teeth are once again clenched together and his thumb is digging into his palm with so much pressure he is surprised he has not drawn blood.

After leaving his mother’s office, Kylo had begrudgingly affixed the headset left on his cubicle to his head; a headset Mitaka must have replaced after Kylo shattered the first one.

Kylo is responsible for taking inquiries about Chicago’s Marriott Marquis hotel, a newer property that is supposed to be relatively easy to manage. However, every call today had been one mindless farce after the other. There was the woman who asked how many pillows she could have at one time during her stay because if she couldn’t build the best pillow fort that the Internet had ever seen she lost whatever damn meme was circulating the Internet now. Some guy asked if it was possible for hotel staff to wake him up with their own rendition of Toto’s Africa in four part harmony because, if they didn’t, he was going to lose a lot of money. And now, Kylo has been on the line with an elderly woman for 30 minutes trying to explain to her the no pet policy.

“But he has nowhere to go. I need to bring him with me,” the woman protests on the other side of the line.

“LOOK, lady, how many _fucking_ times do I have to tell you? You cannot bring under ANY circumstances your stupid pet into our hotel!” Kylo slams the headset on the desk, effectively ending the call.

He notices the representatives around him staring at him, especially Mitaka whose face turns back up into a brilliant smile as soon as Kylo’s fiery eyes meet Mitaka’s concerned stare.

“This is progress! At least you didn’t threaten to end her life like that last guy. It’s all progress. Just be positive. Also just for future reference--you know something to jot down and remember for later--we do allow pets for purposes of disability. It's all in the hand book. Just, so you know.” Mitaka ends his rant with a reassuring smile. 

Silence fills the cubicles. Kylo is once again visibly shaking, trying to reign in his anger and not destroy the whole desk or break something else.

He keeps his control and glances at the clock.

_4:55._

He could take one more call.

He shoves his headset back onto his head and looks at the computer screen where the next caller is waiting in the queue. He takes a deep breath in some frivolous attempt to calm himself and accepts the call.

“Hello, thanks for calling the Chicago Marriott Marquis hotel. This is Kylo speaking. Can I have your name please?” Bile threatens to rise up Kylo’s throat every time he speaks these words.

“Uh...hi,” replies a woman’s voice. Her voice is sweet and very English, a complete 180 from the jarring, often bothered callers who Kylo had spoken to earlier today. “I’m Rey.”

Kylo looks up at the ceiling, easily able to dictate the simpler customer service prompts by memory.

“Hi, Rey, how can I assist you, today?”

“I just wanted to confirm that my reservation was still in the system for April 11th?”

 _Really?_ Kylo feels like asking. _If you made the reservation, it’s there. This is how reservations work._

Kylo suppresses his groan at this girl’s obvious paranoia and turns to the computer monitor.

“Can I have a last name, please?” Kylo asks.

“Uh...Kenobi.”

Kylo punches her name into the system and sees the reservation in front of him.

“It’s here,” Kylo responds coldly. _As it should be. Because you made this reservation. And put a deposit down on it._

“Thank you,” the girl named Rey responds curtly after a short pause, her voice louder than it was before. Kylo hears the line go dead.

Kylo rolls his eyes, slamming the headset down. At least this Rey was somewhat sensible.

“Heading out?” Mitaka squeaks from the cubicle across from Kylo.

Kylo doesn’t respond, instead choosing to collect his things. He raises an eyebrow at Mitaka as he walks out towards the elevators.

While waiting for the elevator to arrive, Kylo checks his phone for the first time today. All of the updates on his phone are oddly similar.

_“Uber is updating our privacy policy.”_

_“We’re updating our privacy policy!”_

_“Our privacy policy is updating!”_

“What the hell,” Kylo mutters to himself, closing the notifications.

“You too?” The female voice from behind Kylo startles him. He had not heard the dark haired woman approach him, even with the kitty heels that must have made some sort of obnoxious clacking noise against the floor. Kylo recognizes the woman from the insanity that had ensued earlier in the conference room.

Kylo nods. “What happened earlier with that one guy who just stormed out?”

The woman begins to look increasingly nervous. The elevator doors ping open and Kylo and who he presumes to be a lawyer enter the elevator car in silence. As they descend to the lobby, the lawyer finally answers Kylo’s question, her voice laced with worry.

“More and more lawyers are quitting everyday. My friend at Hyatt up and quit yesterday. Her sister left her GC job at Macy’s last week. Nobody exactly knows how to deal with,” the woman’s voice drops into a whisper, “ _GDPR_.” She sneers the word as if it was cursed.

“No offense, but isn’t this part of the job description?” Kylo asks.

The woman looks up at Kylo, clearly insulted. “It’s not what a lot of us signed up for when we said we wanted to become lawyers. There’s something else going on here. What they are asking us to do...it’s impossible.”

Kylo holds back any snide comment he desperately wants to make about how maybe nobody is trying hard enough.

When the elevator doors open, the lawyer offers her hand to Kylo.

“I’m Val, by the way.”

Kylo takes her small hand in his.

“Kylo.”

“Yes,” Val states, disdain in her voice, “I know.” She swiftly turns away from him, walking towards the Marriott HQ’s main entrance.

Kylo drags a hand through his black hair. He has to remind himself that he is not here to make friends.

He turns to exit the building when yet another unneeded aquarium catches his eye. Up towards the front of the glass he spots what has to be Rodney, seemingly staring straight at him. While Kylo will never admit it, he is somewhat relieved to see the pufferfish alive. 

“Don’t even think about it,” bites a male voice from behind him. Kylo turns to see the man who had desperately sought to save the fish when it had toppled onto the tile.

No, Kylo would not be making any friends here in this hell. But all he needs is a few months to get back on his feet. All he needs is time until he can begin to rebuild the life he has lost.

  
  
  
  



End file.
